I've always known
Dahlia leaving would break my heart. It would lead to the normal signs of any
heartbreak: depression, anger, loneliness, etc. I've seen it all and it's been
expected. Along with it came a physical feeling, a tightness in the chest and a
racing in the veins. It was intermittent, but persistent. Now, five months in,
it still persists.
Today, I went to a
doctor for something completely unrelated and had by blood pressure read. It
was high. Ridiculously high for a 32 year old. I made an appointment with my GP
and he confirmed: I have a broken heart. It's almost certainly genetic, but the
recent rise is likely due to changes in diet, sleep, and other behaviors. It's
jumped about 30 points in a year.
I've got some
medication that should slow the blood flow.
Along with some changes in behavior, it should help calm things down.
I'll need to increase exercise, watch diet, and improve sleep as well, but...
I never thought a
broken heart would be so literal. Even though it's likely more tied to my
grandfather's aneurism than Dahlia's passing, every palpitation reminds me of
her. It's a strange way to have a memory. I hope, in the future, reminders are
a little more subtle.
